Decisions, Decisions
by TamSibling
Summary: SimonKaylee, set during the BDM. How did River end up in the Maidenhead alone? What, or who, distracted Simon?


A/N: Serenity, Firefly and the crew belong to the amazing Joss Whedon and Co.

This is just a little scene-that-could-have-been. Set during the BDM when the crew lands on Beaumonde and Simon and River are getting off. How exactly did River end up in the Maidenhead by herself? What, or who, distracted Simon?

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Beaumonde was not the most welcoming of worlds. Everything was harsh and loud and bright, and as Simon and River wound their way through the throngs of sinister looking people, Simon tightened his grip on his sister's elbow and whispered in her ear. "Stay close, I don't want to lose you in this group."

River rolled her eyes, but did as he asked, her mind already too full of anger and pain to concentrate on much else. She didn't want to be going, she didn't want to be leaving Captain Daddy or Zoe and Wash or Kaylee or even Jayne, but she knew that it would be better if they did. She knew that her presence on Serenity was only a death sentence for them all and none of those people deserved that.

Looking to her brother's profile, she could make out his determination as he steered her through the crowds, trying not to show any of his own fear or the apprehension that were swirling this mind and in his gut. Simon didn't deserve it either – he didn't deserve to be a marked man, watching after his crazy sister. He deserved to be happy, really happy, like she knew he could be with Kaylee and the thought that they had just left her friend behind, that her brother had just said goodbye to the one woman he was meant to love filled her with more sadness than she'd ever thought possible.

Swallowing back a few tears, River again looked about her and tried to block out all the lewd and dastardly thoughts and emotions she was picking up from the people that weaved by. She knew that Simon was trying to take them somewhere so they could get a new transport, but she also knew that they would be hard pressed to find another boat as decent as Serenity.

With a start, River felt a familiar presence coming towards them and she stopped abruptly, a small smile lighting her face as she realized that maybe Simon could be happy again, if only for another moment. Stopping with her, he turned her to face him and his concerned eyes bored into her. "Mei mei, are you all right?"

As he uttered the words, Kaylee came into view from behind River's shoulder and she felt her brother's mind and heart fill with love for the beautiful, young mechanic. His eyes drawn to her agitated form like a tractor beam, River could only smile lightly as he forgot all about her and thought only of Kaylee and a multitude of "could-have-beens."

Knowing that Kaylee had not seen them and that her chance to get her brother and the girl talking again was quickly slipping by, River abruptly broke out of Simon's hold and headed in the direction Kaylee had gone, walking quickly so as to keep pace with the girl. Simon followed, his annoyance at his sister quickly dissolving as he realized what she was doing. Catching her again, she had stopped as Kaylee had to look at some silks a merchant was selling.

"River," Simon said, a bit too loudly as he had meant to scold her. But the raised tone of his voice, brought Kaylee's eyes straight to him and they both inhaled sharply as their gazes locked.

River stepped a bit to the side, out of Simon's field of vision so he had a clear path to Kaylee and with a slight smile on her face decided to go see what kind of deal Captain Daddy and Jayne were managing to strike.

Simon did not even notice that River had wandered off and later he would curse himself for his carelessness. But at the moment, the only person he could see, the only thing he could focus on was Kaylee. There had been so many things he'd wanted to tell her before he'd left Serenity, so many things to say, to do … But like an idiot, or maybe a boob, he had let the moment pass.

And now, as they had again found each other in this mob, he had to believe that it was meant to be, that he was meant to redeem himself in her eyes, if only to leave her with a clear conscious, and maybe a broken heart. Moving towards her, he watched as she swallowed hard and then took a few hesitant steps in his direction as well.

Just as he realized that this was quite possibly the bravest thing he'd ever attempted – to talk to a girl and not stick his foot in his mouth, someone knocked into Kaylee from behind, throwing her off balance and right into Simon's arms.

She landed against his chest, and while startled at first, quickly adjusted, inhaling his clean scent and getting a bit closer to him even as he tightened his arms around her. Closing her eyes against the sensation, Kaylee blinked back a few sad tears as she stood in his arms for just a minute more and then slowly, pulled away. "Thanks," she muttered, not meeting his eyes.

Swallowing thickly, Simon felt his palms growing sweaty and his mouth drying and he knew he would soon lose his courage. Taking her hand in his, he pulled her out of the main thoroughfare and into a corner. In the many colored lights of the port, he could see her beautiful eyes, pooling with tears and he hated it. Reaching up to place a hand on her cheek, he said quietly, "I'm sorry, about the way I left things."

Kaylee swallowed and reminded herself to breathe as she stepped closer to him, careful not to dislodge his gentle touch from her face and waited for him to continue.

"I wanted to … There's so much that I …" Simon trailed off, having no idea what to say now that he was confronted with Kaylee's face and wide eyes, her lips just inches from his own. Reaching up his other hand to her face, he watched as she closed her eyes against his touch and sighed a bit, and Simon felt his love for her swell in his chest. He had known, for quite some time now that he was in love with Kaylee – he had just been denying it, pushing any of those happy thoughts or feelings down, so far down, he had assumed they'd been buried for good. But he should have known, it wasn't possible to bury an emotion as strong as love. Especially not when that love was returned by a woman as wonderful as the one standing before him now.

Taking another step towards her, Simon's breath tickled her cheek as he murmured, "I wish we didn't have to go."

Reaching up and covering one of his hands with hers, she opened her eyes and was a bit startled, but pleasantly so, to see how close he was. Meeting his blue-eyed gaze, she told him, "You don't. Stay, stay on Serenity. You know it's safer."

Simon couldn't argue with that, the benefit of constantly being on the move a very attractive one for two fugitives. But he had said things to the captain that were not easily forgotten, and he knew if he backed down now, if he went back to Mal with his hat in his hand, he would look weak and foolish and he couldn't afford to have any of the crew thinking he wasn't a man of his word.

"Kaylee, I –"

"Stay with me," she whispered, so quietly, Simon was forced to stop his protest to be sure he could hear her. Looking up to him again with those big, green eyes that had filled with tears, he wished he didn't have to do this. He again cursed the Alliance and all they had done to drive him to this point, to the point where he had to deny his own life, in order to keep his sister safe. But that was his job, wasn't it? It was his duty, to protect her, even if it meant forsaking everything else.

With no answer for her that he knew wouldn't cause the tears she was holding in to fall, Simon crossed the small distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. They were warm and soft as he had thought they would be, and as he deepened the kiss, cradling the back of her head in his hand, she wound her arms around his neck, pulling him tight. Knowing that he should stop this and go, knowing that he was just making it more difficult for them both, Simon was powerless to push her away, and instead, brought her tighter to him. He felt her tongue trace along his lip and with a sigh, he brought his to meet hers, allowing the desire he felt for Kaylee to drive his actions.

There was so much he felt in those few moments and so much more he wanted to feel. But finally, having to part for air, they pulled apart, their foreheads resting together and both of them panting a bit. With a few tears on her cheeks, Kaylee did not look back up into his face, but simply kept her arms around his neck as she said, "Simon, stay, please."

Closing his eyes and trying to burn the memory of that kiss and the feel of her against him into his mind, Simon took a deep breath and with every ounce of will power he possessed, backed away from her. "I'm sorry, Kaylee," he said quietly, hoping that the dim light of the port would mask the tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he told her again, still unable to meet her gaze.

When an audible sob escaped her mouth, Simon did finally bring his eyes up to her face, saw her features contorted with pain and then watched as, without another word, she turned and ran from him, heading back in the direction of Serenity.

With every fiber of his being, Simon wanted to follow her, to finish what they'd begun, but he knew he couldn't, he had River to … River.

Oh God. Looking around, he saw that she was no where to be seen and cursing his foolishness he searched for her frantically until he heard shouting and panic coming from a bar a few yards away. With a grimace, Simon shouldered his way through the crowd and managed to get inside just as his sister, his beautiful and innocent mei mei, pulled a gun on the captain.

"Eta kooram nah smech!"


End file.
